Relationships and Quests

Have you ever started on an amazing personal development journey only to realise very soon that it got a little lonely on this Path? What happens when our friends and family – or our significant other – don’t share our excitement observing a-new-you-in-the-making?

Here is a video transcript:

“Okay, so….Personal Development and Relationship problems… It is actually a very sensitive and big topic in personal development world because normally what happens – as we discussed – when one person starts on any kind of spiritual quest, personal development journey, what happens they almost leave this ‘pool’ where they belonged: together with their partners, together with their friends, together with their family, together with their country of origin, together with whatever background professional background you did whatever background they had. It’s almost like you are leaving that and you’re leaving that not because you decided that yeah life was already very good and then suddenly for fun you decided to go there. No. Normally we have this period, preceding period of wobbles and unhappiness and searching and finding things and looking into different options and finally choosing this one Path. For somebody it could be yoga; for somebody it could be meditation; for somebody it could be Colourpuncture; for somebody it could be talking therapy. What happens is that we start to change. We start to transform – and the other person might or might not go with us. Our former professional circle or friends circles – they might might not go with us. And very often in a little while we find ourselves a little lonely on this Path. Now we may start panicking and saying: “Oh, you know: I’m really liking these things and I’m really into it and I like this emerging new version of myself -but! I don’t recognise the scenery any longer, this is like totally uncharted waters, I don’t know what to expect!” And we start panicking and very often we start thinking: “Okay, maybe I can adjust myself; maybe I can go back a little bit; maybe I can talk a little differently – like the way I talked in the past”, – and that can bring enormous internal conflict. Because what is in fact happening, we are embarking on the spiritual quest, to personal development quest because we want to be closer to ourselves. This is the only reason. This is the only reason why we do it. The formal reasons – a formal trigger – could be physical illness; could be emotional unhappiness; could be indeed relationship problem but basically you want to figure out who you are and where you are going. And there is a saying – I cannot cannot tell you who said that first but obviously this was a very wise person 🙂 There is a saying that there are only two questions in life: one question is where I’m going and the other question is who is going with me and don’t you ever mix places. So first, where I’m going and second who’s going with me. Now imagine you are in a relationship. You’re in a stable relationship which started some while ago and in the beginning this was promising and it happens and for whatever reason you started on this quest – and relationship problem might well be one of the reasons – and the other person is obviously happy with the current version or previous version or original version of how relationship started. And there are several things here. So first we’ll already discussed this internal conflict: we are becoming more ourselves with each day; with each meditation or exercise, we are becoming more and more in tune with who we are and what we need and where we need to go. And every step in this direction we take is taking us away from this now frozen in time structure of the original relationship. Because everything develops – nothing stays static. Or everything should develop and in a flow of time relationships should have certain dynamic – so there is no going back. And this is something that is important to understand: why there is no going back? Because at a point at some point we can decide: “No, no. I’m going back. I’m going back because basically this is all good but relationship is really more important to me.” The problem is: we always start on our quest to search for ourselves and on our path to whatever we need to be contributing into in this lifetime to the bigger whole because this was in alignment with some bigger picture. So we didn’t quite start the quest on our own volition. We did – and we didn’t. Because, we thought we did: because we were unhappy; we were not healthy; we were not fulfilled. And so, so basically nothing happens consistently if there is- if we are not in alignment with the general flow of energy, flow of events. We can talk about family dynamics; we can talk about general flow things in the Universe; we can talk about professional journey or spiritual journey. For some people it’s very intuitive; for some people they don’t even register that this could be a fact that they are basically getting more in alignment with something bigger than ourselves. And so our little individual happiness or our little individual more convenience and us being settled in no matter how fulfilling version of relationship, clashes with with this Path. So this is why there is no going back and this is very important once things get to this stage to start to observe what is actually happening. Now imagine we are feeding and watering this flower – at least we are feeding and watering this flower from our side – and things are not happening. Sometimes indeed what we observe is: the more we contribute the less viable relationship becomes. And it seems contradictory because you feel: “Okay, I will just – I’ll just water and feed this flower some more times and it will blossom”. But if the other person is not forthcoming or if the flower itself had its time – sometimes the flower itself had its time. Sometimes people need to fulfil a particular purpose together. No matter how sad it sounds it just happens and what we are then observing – we are observing a decline of the whole thing and we are trying to hang on to the thing instead of just observing and acknowledging that actually this is what ‘is’. This is not what we want; this is not what the other person wants – but this is what is happening. Start with the Self. You start with the Path; you start with your good intentions – and great intentions – for relationship and do all your personal work which is needed to extend to the other in an authentic way, while keeping your own integrity and your own values and then you just observe and at some point you acknowledge that things are the way they are.”

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