Life is a Play – Cafe Self

Would you want to make a bad situation, worse? I thought I won’t want to…yet I did, once – intentionally, ‘in a controlled environment’ and with surprisingly good results! Here is a powerful yet counterintuitive psychological tool which is best used with a therapist’s support and guidance for best and reliable results: ‘Exaggeration’.

Why with guidance? It is NOT dangerous (unless somebody is seriously mentally unstable in which case no DIY tools are applicable and a professional help is needed). But – there are important details which you can easily overlook if you DIY.

I actually tried it more than once but that one time was really important as I was in the middle of a really serious, full life crisis and it was exactly what was needed.

Here is a video, transcribed:

“Tool number two: ‘Exaggeration’. I read about this tool many many many years ago in a book by a famous Russian psychologist, and then I came across different descriptions of the same tool in many different situations. I’m going to give you an example from this book. Also, when I was just starting doing Colourpuncture and I was exchanging with a lady – I myself was going through a very difficult, ‘tornado’ situation in my life – it was a very deep therapy so of course she was asking me how I’m feeling, how integrating and processing things. So I told you that I’m finding a particular situation very difficult. She said: “Let’s make it bigger!”. “Why would you, would I like to make it bigger it hurts enough it’s bad enough?”. She said: “No, no: let’s make it bigger! Imagine this feeling as a dark cloud and then apart from containing this cloud in your head or around your head, around your body, whatever, imagine that this can fill the entire room; imagine that can can go out and become darker; become bigger, bigger, bigger, bigger and bigger still!”. As I was trying to do that, actually as soon as I let go and let this black clouds to completely – in my imagination of course – consume the room, the situation was over! I felt somehow completely different. And I didn’t quite understand you know the magic of it all before I remembered this description from the book. So, in the book this particular psychologist tells about a couple where husband was very jealous. He was very suspicious that his wife was having an affair – when in reality she didn’t. And she would get really upset because she was totally innocent and there he was -every day accusing her in something which she didn’t do. And so she said: “You know what: we are going to marriage counselling because otherwise I’m going to divorce you because this is not you know this is not fair this is not fun”. And so they both really really struggled. And there was a potential in this marriage. So the psychologist gave them an assignment. So he said to the guy: “Okay. Now, you’re going to be Otello from Shakespeare play. So every day when you come back home from work you sit down and you just deliver this speech: about how jealous you are; about how bad your wife is; and so on. So, stick to the same script; make it as big as possible; as bad as possible; as ridiculous as possible. Do it every day.” And to the wife he said: “Oh, you just participate! You participate on a receiving end and you deliver to him… whatever you want to deliver.” And so every day they performed this little ritual, after work, in the evening, together, for some time – until it got to a point where they just laughed and the whole situation dissipated. Because it got to a point where it was so exaggerated, so so grotesque, so ridiculous that basically they just didn’t want to do it anymore. And they came back together and the guy was totally cured of his jealousy and his wife was grateful and that was a happy end. So sometimes we need to apply this tool when we don’t completely understand what is going on. Because when you put a question in a way that you want ‘to get out of a tornado’ it looks like you need a ‘Map’ and this is Tool Number One which is: you can start with the ‘Letter from the Future’ and this is your vision. And then we can work together one to one and then we can create the actual map, of escape route and steps and so so on. But sometimes, especially in the earlier stages something is happening but you’re not quite sure what it is; you’re not sure what it is supposed to be teaching you; you’re not sure even of your own responses and why you feeling this way – you might try this ‘Exaggeration’ tool”.

During January 2022 I offer 1:1 Cafe Self FREE mini consultations online – reserve your place if you would like to try this tool – or for any other Questions to the Soul. Any questions – we are having a Cafe Self FREE Q&A tomorrow, the 10th of December, join in!

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