“How to say ‘Goodbye’ to a person you still love?” was one of our December Cafe Self Q&A session question. While never an easy stage of life, a ‘goodbye’ doesn’t have to be an overwhelmingly sad or disheartening experience. While sadness – and a whole mixture of fully entangled emotions, feelings, fears, projections and extrapolations – are all but inevitable, we are in fact in charge both of our own perception of the situation and a practical handling of this life stage.
Saying goodbye to a person you still love and with this to a relationship with this person doesn’t equal to ‘switching off’ the feelings of love which in most situations are still present. Regardless if we are in favour of ‘hanging on to love’ or ‘let’s move on quick’ approach, these are only various sides of our individual perception.
Apart from our own actions (and these of the other party) which do matter greatly, the LOVE itself starts, lives and completes itself according to its own laws…hence the wise “All marriages are made in Heavens…” and its modern counterpart “….and so are divorces”. Most of the time we can perfectly understand why this particular Love Story didn’t last by looking objectively at all parts of it (including our own) and analysing this chapter of our life. However, in the throes of endings we rarely feel compelled to do so and tend to focus on that great big entanglement of mixed feelings instead.
Since our Cafe Self Q&A in August 2021 we discussed the theme of Relationships, from recognising and respecting a unique Energy Signature of a Relationship and inviting your partner to an Intentional Relationships all the way to staying centred in Life’s Tornados and saying goodbye and moving on, completing this particular life’s chapter accepting a feeling of sadness, yes, but also intentionally practicing objective outlook and with that cultivating lightness, inner contentment and peace.
I’m glad to hear that you are finding this information helpful (and often applicable to other life’s situations) and I’d be very happy if you think of someone who may need to hear these insights and so find encouragement in this moment of time: if you do, please share this with them!
Here is a video transcript 🙂
“How to say ‘goodbye’ to a person you love? We probably all at least once in our lifetime experienced a situation when we had to leave a relationship with the person we really deeply loved but for whatever reason the relationship didn’t work out. I see it – I came to see it as a kind of a spiritual initiation in a way because after this point once you’ve done it once in your life and normally it is only happens once for some reasons according to what I can see with people – you are never the same. You’re never the same because to make this step to actually leave a relationship and consciously say goodbye to a person you love when you see that situation just when you accept basically that okay situation is as it is you love this person – and quite possibly person loves you also – but for whatever reason, maybe reason is obvious maybe there is a really very valid reason or maybe reasons are totally hidden and everybody who looks at this couple just just look at them in disbelief like why are they getting separated – they’re such a nice couple? They look good together, they sort of almost belong together but for whatever reason things didn’t work out and how to do that now when we are saying goodbye to somebody we love while we still love them. There is a you know there are several sort of traps which we can get into and the first trap of course is to deny that you still love them. And in effect what you’re trying to do you’re trying to kill love… you’re trying to kill love which is still alive and no matter how we slice it this is actually this is actually killing. This is the killing of something real because remember back to our conversation in August about relationship and that relationship is some like a third entity, a separate energy being almost, a separate energy field which exists between two people who come together. And of course it matters if you knew each other if you stayed together for a couple of weeks or a couple of months or several decades. And of course the more interaction you have had the bigger this energy field is but in any case it is an energy field. And if you feel it and we’re not talking obviously about your partner or your ex-partner because we don’t know what he feels but talking about you – you still feel this love now. I believe from what I see and what I experienced in my own life, what I have read on the subject, what I heard from very wise people: it is against ‘the Law’ to kill love. Because love is this amazing thing… And even if you need to say goodbye to a person, to a real person with whom you created this field it does not mean that you should say no to life and you need to pretend that it never happened; it was a wrong choice; it was absolutely wasted time together in your life and so so. What you need to do, you need to accept first you need to accept that situation just turned out this way. You did try. In your particular situation you did try. You both tried. You’ve both tried in a way each party could’ve. Not necessarily you put like equal amount of effort, from both sides and they were the same efforts – no, they were different efforts, there were different attempts but for whatever reason the situation didn’t work out. And sometimes it just happens we all look at it and we think why?Why?? There were all the chances in this couple for a relationship to flourish and to last forever but for some reasons we need to accept that you know it just wasn’t on the cards… If you did try and you applied all your efforts and it’s not happening then you just state the obvious: a relationship as relationship finished; so this chapter of your life finished and you’re both going separate ways, you’re going into next chapters of your life. But if you keep this love in your heart for as long as you want it to live – and just keep it as a legacy of your relationship then you don’t create this need, this intensity of feelings. Because basically what happens if you still love but you deny it and you pretend that you don’t love: it’s almost like you shouldn’t love. Then there is a big internal conflict because what you feel and what you let yourself feel – because what you’re feeling in reality does not match with what you feel you should be feeling. And what you want to be feeling is that if a relationship is over you want to feel that – totally, there is no love… it’s like it’s almost like you open the tap with water and you close the tap with water and that’s it: there is no water! It does not work this way.. Love is a huge experience in our lifetime. It’s huge experience especially when we are talking about long-term relationship, very close relationship and for this to complete itself as an energy field wants to complete itself you need to give it time. And in fact the more careful and nurturing you are in relation to this thing, the better the whole thing will complete itself naturally, will run its course. And it will just be stored in your memory, in some ‘library’ of your experiences as a great book – or rather as maybe a sequel, several books. And this is part, this will forever become part of your experience; and there are different chapters in this book, with different stories and so so on.”
Cafe Self 1:1 FREE mini consultations will start again on the 2nd of January and will last to the end of month, please contact us with the form below to register. Meanwhile if you have any questions please reach out to us also using the form below. I’m wishing you and your family abundant blessings for the coming festive season 🙂