Have you ever wondered what’s the surest short cut to clarifying our needs? Deep, acute, may be not yet properly shaped needs? Well, let’s have a look at our expectations – particularly when they do not come to reality…here we have a naked, screaming need, the one which isn’t immediately obviously or transparent, even to the most capable to self reflection.

Here is a video transcript:

“Our expectations reflect our needs – and needs need to be fulfilled 🙂 When we expect something very very strongly and so we get upset when we don’t – when a situation doesn’t unravel the way we envisioned, then basically it means that our Soul is screaming for something. It’s really really screaming with some some particularly acute need – and this need is not being met. Now the problem here is that not the need itself but that we are trying to tie together a fulfilment of this need but this particular situation that we would like to happen – we expect to happen – we forget that we can address the same need by other means. So with that in mind we can construct a fifth column to our little practical exercise and then we can clarify the needs and how these needs can be can be fulfilled by some other means; how can we how can we give ourselves the same thing by different means. Now, when we’re talking about a relationship and relationships with people in general, this is something that we touched upon a little bit last time: sometimes we expect far too much from a relationship. We expect our partner or our friend or our business partner or any person we have a close collaboration with or cooperation with, we expect them to be ‘our everything’ so to speak – especially when it comes to expectations from partners. But even from close friends or family members we expect full understanding; we expect full acceptance and so so on. When this full acceptance and this fulfilment of our needs doesn’t happen and we expect too much we end up getting resentful towards this person. But in actual fact we just need to see how else we can fulfil the same needs. Obviously there are relationships – for example if you’re talking about a romantic relationship, intimate relationship that it has specific needs that can only be fulfilled within this type of relationship; if you have a business relationship, financial obligations financial collaboration with somebody there are things which can only be fulfilled within this setting. So this needs to be respected. But normally if you look at our expectations I would say eight out of ten what we expect we can give ourselves by some other means, not necessarily in conjunction with this particular person or this particular situation. So… I hope it helps and as I said this is like the fifth column: it’s ‘how else’, what it is our Soul need, what our Self and Soul need behind our original expectations – and how we can fulfil it without resorting to help of this person or the situations and setting.”

Our Cafe Self Q&A in 2021 happened to be themed around Relationships. Expectations play a big part in health of our relationships as we often unconsciously expect our partner to fulfil our deep needs which we, ourselves do not completely understand.

We looked into various aspects of relating with the overall aim of building sustainable, authentic, intentional relationships.

During January 2022 I offer 1:1 personalised Cafe Self FREE mini consultations online – ask your Question to the Soul!

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