Our much needed tools designed to help us feel alive again after a major crisis or a particularly challenging period of life, in the ‘Beyond’ space, so far focused on the Self: Self Discovery; accepting ‘You Are Here’: anchoring ourselves in our current life’s situation with neither indulgence nor denial, ’Re-assembling’ the Self by rewriting a script of our Life and mapping out a better aligned Path and so on.

All of it – in theory – could be done in a soulful solitude if we have all the right tools and intentions and dedication. These same steps work much better when we have support: adequate, unwavering and warm.

From this support grows the next vital step: connection with people, building a community, developing true close friendships with people who are on the same wave length. Here we have a wonderful interplay between Yin and Yang in our daily life, the workings of our sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems – which we feel intuitively whether we go fully for the idea of  connection and support or resist it.

Now there is a name for it, thanks to a current research in a behavioural neurobiology: ‘Poly-vagal theory’ by Prof S Porges. Our life stresses and challenges, big or small, chronic or acute, activate (and keep active) our Sympathetic Nervous System. This is an in-built body response directly linked to our survival – we act automatically without having to think first as the speed of reaction is vital in situations of danger. But! For smooth body functioning – and a balanced life – after the danger has passed, there is time to ‘retire to the cave’ and recover, fully and completely. This activates our Parasympathetic nervous system. The Yin of ‘rest and digest’ balances out the Yang of ‘fight or flight’ and we are fully ready for our next day, the next cycle where this dynamic balance will play out again.

One vital ingredient for activation of our Parasympathetic nervous system is human connection. As humans we are designed to live in (supportive) communities, relate to people close to us with trust, practice interdependence and celebrate our life successes together. For somebody who is a ‘people’s person’, this comes easily. For a convinced ‘lone wolf’ this does not. However, we all need human connection where or not we think we do and whether or not it comes easy to us. This knowledge itself is a food for thought – and a call for action. We are usually not aware of these things – especially if we tend to fall more into a ‘lone wolf’ category…but this can be liberating and life changing.

• Who are the people closest to you?
• Who is in your community?
• What your dream community would look like?
• Do you relate to people with trust?
• Do you practice interdependence?
• Do you celebrate your life successes, big or small, together with people close to you?

This video is a fragment of our May 2022 Cafe Self Q&A, please watch this entire playlist for more details. Here is a related reading:

• ‘Beyond’, a fast-track Change
• Uncharted Waters, what takes us there?
• ‘Beyond’, You Are Here 
• ‘Beyond’: Reassembling
• The Self: Modus Operandi
• Getting out of Life’s ‘Tornado’

Any questions, I’m here and happy to help, please reach out using the form below.

If you feel ready for some serious Soul food, come join us at the Cafe Self, the place where you come to feed your Soul 🙂