When Enough is Enough?

“How to decide when ‘Enough in Enough’ in a relationship?”. This is a question which is one of the hardest to answer when there are many existing ties in a relationship: a great start, high hopes for the future, some sunny spells and some cloudy days, a long history being together – but then there may come a time when one party – or indeed both – start asking this question as the relationship seems to change in a way that no-one envisioned. There are talks; there are agreements – at best – but something isn’t quite working…So, when Enough is Enough??

One thing is certain: it’s hard – if not impossible – to ‘know’ if there is any love/passion/energy/life left in the relationship; if we can get through what is just a challenging patch or if it is better to part ways and give what used to be the best completion possible.

Here is the video transcript:

“When ‘Enough is Enough (in a Relationship)’? So, when enough is enough: when we feel that our efforts are going to waste; when we feel that a relationship is not going anywhere; when we feel that we are doing a lot (from our point of view) and the other person is not forthcoming? Or indeed it would be a really interesting situation when you both feel like you’re both trying but things just not going anywhere – and this is probably the most weird situation of all because you both feel you are contributing; you both want to make it work; but the thing between you two doesn’t want to live… and that’s it. And this is very interesting: how do you determine when ‘enough is enough’?

Considering that we are talking about ‘Self in a Relationship’, there is a short answer, there is a long answer and there is a kind of a medium sized answer. The short answer is: you keep your partner’s interests in mind; you keep your relationship’s interests in mind; you keep your needs and your authenticity in mind, and from this perspective – considering all this – you ask yourself a question: “Am I able to water and feed this any longer? Am I able to contribute naturally and adequately or am I not anymore? Am I able to give this person what they need??”. Because no matter how much we argue, at some level we do understand that we are dealing with an amazing human being next to us – no matter well, shape and form they present; no matter the relationship’s dynamic – we are having with us another human being. Another human being is like an entire magnificent universe… and are we able to give this person something? So, for me this is a criteria: are you able to give them what they need? Are you able to contribute to the relationship? This is this is a short answer… because we all feel that the person deserves it, the relationship deserves it -but from our side, are we able to give? Long answer – it’s a short answer but it’s a long process – you choose two options: ‘Shall I stay; shall I go?’ and you imagine that you’re weighing them on two hands and you’re figuring out which one is 51 versus 49 percent – and you go with these 51 (as if this is 100 percent) and this is the key. It could be just slightly slightly slightly better but you commit to it as if this is a hundred percent. And you start acting upon this as if this is a hundred percent – which can be difficult but once you truly, fully and completely start doing it – so you basically totally detach yourself from this other option and you go with one option, the one which is 51 – very soon, if you seriously go for it, very soon it will become crystal clear what it is and where what you need to go. Because then again the relationship has a certain dynamic; the relationship has certain life left – or not left – to it; not life even: energy; energy left or not left to it. And then, when you start acting in a certain direction, then it becomes very very clear. Sometimes people part and they live apart for several weeks or so and they suddenly understand that actually they belong together; and they come together in much better on a much better footing. Sometimes people just say: ‘No, no, no! Let’s stay together’ because you know this is familiar; this is convenient; there is a long, good history and they do it and no matter what they do they damage relationship even further than if they would have taken a pause and consider things differently. Medium answer is: you know… We have all the answers within us at all times and we know what to do – we’re just not doing because we are too afraid. We are afraid of trusting ourselves, our intuition; we are afraid of rocking the boat; we are afraid of taking responsibility for the whole dynamic of the whole thing because very often when we talk about a relationship such as marriage for example, there are other people involved. Very often there are children or extended family – there are many many many things to consider. But we feel… And when we feel – we have our dreams… we have our night dreams… we have these dream-like states between sleep and awake: first thing in the morning, last thing at night. What are you feeling? Just ask yourself this question. We know what to do – we just don’t have enough strength to go for it very often. So this is the key and this is the answer.”

There are many things to consider before answering “When Enough is Enough in a Relationship?” question – these will give us a better overall perspective to this particular relationship:

What is an overall Energy Signature of our relationship?
What has been our conscious – or most probably not conscious – ‘Mission Statement’ of our relationship, stated or assumed ‘goal’ of our relationship? This can often be a subjective perception of each party as (surprisingly) we tend not to talk much about it.
What did we do from what we knew we should have done to create the best possible conditions to our relationship to flourish?

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